Hi. It’s me. It’s been a second. I’ve struggled hard to sit still with my thoughts since my last post. Of course I could write a highlight reel but I also think my soul needs to be rinsed and reset. So here’s the skinny. This hasn’t been a season of rainbows and unicorns. I feel selfish because I know I have it so much better than most just being healthy and walking around with a smile most days. But I also get to be human. Life has been…well life. Some consequences of not great decisions. Some trash because I just can’t catch a break and some because I know so much what I think I want, I won’t give an inch. Stubborn much?!

I feel like if I don’t make this post, I’m not getting over this weird. I’m not sure when I made a left on Nose Dive Ave and why I didn’t turn around immediately. I’ve done some great stuff and I get so in a negative head space feeling like one of those fake faces on socials, I can’t even celebrate the happy. So maybe letting the real fly will be a release. Deep breath. Here’s an honest and raw recap of my last few months.

I met my best friend. Again. Had the opportunity to test the healthy boundaries I promised myself I would have. And learn how to navigate such a painful positive choice. I made a decision based on money for the first time in my life and it almost ruined me. I will forever stand for passion and integrity over a paycheck. It will eventually all line up. I took a chance on dating. Respectfully, I will never be that perfect predictable fit in a box kinda lady. Thank god. And as much as I could literally scream my pretty little head off for a week and a half and that not be enough, would I change a thing?! Nope.

Past this paragraph, I will not bring up the past or burn any books, ha. I will forever argue he is my person. I loved him. That’s all. Always will. You get it or you don’t. So know how hard it is to not be his best friend. Just pretend I don’t care. It was never the predictable say one thing, do another or no follow through. Actions were so easy. You can’t deny that connection. Even he wouldn’t. A part of me wishes I could be that strong in my emotions and swear I don’t feel. Even though, EVERYONE, including Jesus herself on the street corner could see it. I’m not the one. I deserve so much more. Love deserves more. It is so not fair. But putting your worth before your heart. That is strength. And a choice you gotta make every.single.day. Done. I said it. I feel 2877987527896 lbs lighter and it dies here. Bring it up and I will cut you.

My solution. Getting back out there. Sounds like an adventure, right?! Free dinners? We know how motivated I am by food. Wrong. The peace that comes with buying your own dinner is priceless. Why I ever thought dating a guy would be better than dating The City?! Silly girl. Dating isn’t fun. And online dating is down right the Tragic Kingdom Gwen warned us about. Imagine being in your favorite store with a huge gift card. But everything is gross, fast fashion and the things you like, they don’t have your size. And you try on a shirt or two because if you don’t, you’re never going to have anything to wear. But honestly when it comes down to it, you’d rather just go naked than wear something ill fitting or basic. That my people, might be the most accurate description of this tragedy by swiping I’ve ever spit. It’s Wickedy Wickedy Wack. #FACTS #justdont

Can we start normalizing talking to people in real life again?! Please. That’s a later blog as well as the job post. Just know I’m as Orange as the day is long.

If I’ve learned anything and lort knows the lessons be flowing, TRUST YOUR GUT. And give yourself some grace. I did have healthy boundaries when it come down to it. Maybe the 11th hour but I stood firm. And so what I took a chance on a shit job, I didn’t settle in it. So many people just settle instead of getting their hands dirty. And then I’m over here punishing myself in the weird way I do, just for being human, having a feeling or two or taking a chance and failing??! I’m not out here being self destructive {intentionally} or not taking care of myself but I have not been focusing on the future me. The one not limited by past financial massacres or worrying about taking a chance. The one living her best life on a coast or a sheep farm knitting her days away and never experiencing -20 again unless she wants to vacation in an igloo in Switzerland. The Ginger who needs to book a flight before she loses her skittles.

The Good News. I have a clean slate. A fresh fresh start. Like who gets that? And multiple times. I know it’s because my intentions are good. But I am soooooo pissed off. I’m soooo tired of losing. I know it’s absolutely ludicrous I have to be backed in a corner to try a new approach but that’s just how I keep y’all guessing. And myself, obviously. Let this also be a reminder that everyone has stuff. It might not look like it from your angle. And it might not look like yours but it might be just as heavy.

Happy 2024. And Happy Spring. We made it. And I promise my next post will be a little more on the lighter side. One of the best BIRTHDAYS ever…milkshakes & crafts, all the dinners with amazing friends, Mamma Mia?!! Zed’s Dead anyone?! Or the Cockiest Ockiest burrito of my life?! Just wait…there’s so much good.

XO-

Midwest Ging